Hard to Stay Holy

     So it's been quite some time since my last post, and while I've been wanting to write over the past few months, the chaos of school, the demands of life, and the condition of my heart have hindered me. But now, as I am getting ready to take my last exam of freshman year (which seems so crazy!) and head home for the summer, I finally feel like life is going back to normal. However, my heart still feels uneasy. While I feel that God is presenting some really awesome outreach opportunities for me this summer and next semester, I still have this inner struggle that I just can't shake, no matter how desperately I want to.
      Living in this world and trying to remain holy, or set apart, is starting to become more difficult than I ever imagined. And lately, I have been experiencing the crazy temptation to be of this world and to give in to what is, sadly, "normal" and expected of today's youth and college students. Even though the group of friends that I hang around don't do these things, the societal expectation and the actions that are glorified through media are enticing. It just seems so easy to give into that environment of partying and drinking and just forgetting about all responsibilities and focus on fun all of the time.  And a part of me thinks that by doing those things, I will be more accepted and have more friends, which is probably true, but I so often forget that those things don't matter. The things of this world do not matter because I have something so much better.
      I have to remember that God has called me higher and that through Him, He has called me to be holy. As I have heard, for so many years and from so many different people, to be holy means to be set apart. And when we accept the One True God, He sets us apart as His children to be a light in this dark world warns us to guard our hearts from destruction. Proverbs 4:23 says "above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life (or 'for it determines the course for your life')". And man, as I write this, I'm pretty overwhelmed by his glory and grace. Even though I have that temptation and sin so, so often, He still wants me and wants to use me. Like, what?
     I hope that if someone out there reading this is going through the same thing, they would be encouraged that even though we are sinful and gross and think that our way is better than His, that doesn't change the love He has for us and His desire to use us, even when we don't want Him to use us or feel too dirty to be used for His glory.
     My prayer is that as I, and anyone else that struggling with something similar, would be constantly reminded that we are called higher by the Highest of all.
     God is good.
     Always.